How to get to Heaven,
A Sunday school teacher was testing children at his Glasgow Sunday school class, to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
He asked them, " If I sold my house and my car and had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" "No!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawns and kept the gardens tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
"No!" cried the children.
By now the teacher was starting to smile.
" Well then, if I was kind to animals, gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my family,
Would that get me into Heaven?"
Again the answer was a resounding "No!"
By now the teacher was bursting with pride in his brood, and continued, "Well then! how can I get into heaven?"
On the top of his voice a wee laddie cried oot,
" Yuv goat tae be fukin' Deid"
It may be a wee bit naughty!
but it surely brings a wee tear tae yir e'e
This came to me by way of an e-mail a couple of years ago, I like to think I improved it a wee bit!